There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
