Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
