In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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