she smelled like a LAN party
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
