I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize