Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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