forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
