Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
