I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
