Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
