pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
