Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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