dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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