Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
