"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
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You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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