Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
