YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
