Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
