Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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