You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize