the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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