i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
