U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
