I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
