And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
