yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
