this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
