I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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