I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
