So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
