3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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