FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
