Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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