I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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