Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
