So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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