It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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