You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
