i can't believe i had my finger in that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
