he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
