Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
