Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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