Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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