holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
