was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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