someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
