Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
