guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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