I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
