is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i believe in u and ur pee
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