my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
