Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
