Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
