Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
