Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
