would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
