i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
