I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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