Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize