why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
bring money and cleavage
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
