But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
