I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
