I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
