he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
