I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
