HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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