I think i sorta joined a cult last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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