LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
