Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Shame - the story of my life.
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