Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
