Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i've created a new STD.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
