you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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