She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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