HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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