I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Damn victory sex feels great
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
