it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
