Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
