I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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