I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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