he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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