I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
