you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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