one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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