Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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