maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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