i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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