evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
