I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
