The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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