What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
