u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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