Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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